It was a warm sunny day in mid-September and I was sitting and reading a Tom Clancy novel at a quiet corner at the Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for my flight to Bangkok. A child who came screaming and being disruptive, interrupted the quietness and silence that I was experiencing in my corner. One look at the child, I knew the child was hyperactive. Then came the parents. Father being calm and looks at the son as normal. Mother on the other hand, comes raging and orders the son to be quiet and to stop running.
Having brought up six children myself, one important principle is that parents have to be unified in the ways they want to bring up their child. I felt pitiful for the mother who had to loose her patience and annoying to see the father with no care in the world.
Over the years, I have learned and practiced certain principles from ‘good parenting’ that have helped.
Both Parents must Establish and set rules from a young age
“If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren’t around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.”
Be consistent.
“If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion, or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.”
Explain your rules and decisions.
“Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to. Generally, parents over-explain to young children and under-explain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn’t have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have.”
Express Physical Affection. “Children need plenty of physical affection from their parents, not just when they are infants, but throughout childhood and adolescence. We humans are tactile creatures, and we have a natural need for physical contact with others.”
Love your children as you love yourself. The relationship with your children is the first model of what a loving relationship is; therefore it’s crucial to get it right. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to love your children. If you overvalue yourself you will either overvalue or undervalue your children. If you hate your child, he will hate you and the world. If you don’t love yourself in a healthy way, it is your responsibility to find out how to do so and thereby learn to love your children in a healthy way. How you love your child will determine how he loves others as an adult.
Be observant of what goes on around you where children are concerned. We can learn from what we observe.
In our personal or professional lives, let’s be observant of what’s happening around us. Observe the behaviour of our colleagues, peers, and associates. Instead of being judgmental we learn by observing and learn to understand their behavior. Doing so enhances our ability to be a better leader.
